London Live

Want to run away again. It's too easy here, life. Too familiar.

I must feel under pressure and challenged to feel my own identity.

Only when my life situation squeezes me on each side can I feel my own shape. Only when people around me provide a different coloured background can I see my own colour. Only when situations make me cry laugh and shout can I feel my own emotions. Only when every day challenges me can I feel that I achieve something. Only when I'm racing ahead do I feel that time is fulfilled. Only when my prejudices are challenged on a daily basis do I feel my mind develop.

My mother said to me "when everything is TOO exciting, you have no time to develop yourself".
Buddhist monks sit under a tree all day, developing their minds. How do they find wisdom enough in books and old men and their own minds? What kind of wisdom do they achieve?

I must be the epitome of western obsession with speed, of fear of emptiness; I cannot comprehend how the world you have inside yourself can be enough.

Perhaps the world you create with another person, in love, can be enough.

Give me some tranquilisers.